Handling Super Heroine Handling

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Anyway, test screenings went so poorly that the film was shelved and was later released direct to VHS. The movie has been raked over the coals over the years and it is deeply flawed with corn ball moments, an amateur score (which telegraphs every moment, just in case the audience didn't get what they were seeing on screen) and scenes that break the logic meter - For example: Cap is tied to a rocket aimed at DC but before it launches he grabs the Red Skulls hand. So the Skull of course, having already proven he's stronger than Steve, simply wrests free... Um, no - he grabs a knife and cuts off Steve's hand! Uh, no again - he grabs a knife and cuts off his own hand!! Yeah, I think that would be the first course of action most of us would take.

Despite the faults, I still found this to be the best Captain America movie I'd watched by far. For one it actually follows the original storyline better than previous efforts. We get to see the Red Skull, WWII Cap and his release from the ice years later. His comic book gal pal, Sharon is there and Golan/Pyun didn't mess with the costume. I'd have rather seen chain mail rather than rubber... which brings us to the legendary rubber ears (I guess the thick material used on the mask made it difficult to cut out ear holes; therefore they pasted fake ones onto the sides, this is very hilarious when spotted as you can imagine) But at least he "looks" like Captain America. The shield is sturdy and makes a heavy metallic "thunk" sound when it strikes and that's a plus.

It's got some decent actors, even though some of the hackneyed dialog they are forced to speak is atrocious. Ronnie Cox plays the President and reporter Ned Beatty is his boyhood friend. Darren McGavin goes overboard Southern, but I've always liked the man so it's nice to see him here. Heck even Bill Mumy (Lost in Space) has a bit part.

Footballer Howie Long was considered for the lead but it instead went to JD Salinger's son, Matt. Salinger is a man of few expressions (I think I counted, mmmm, one) but he's tall and sturdy and seems a likable sort. When Cap ventures forth into this brave new world, he does a nice job of employing that lone expression by looking baffled by it all (Noticing the Japanese and German products was a nice touch). The Red Skull is Italian not German (I don't know why) and the actor playing him also displays a limited range of emotion (he does slimy weirdness) plus he sounds like Ricardo Montalban. I did enjoy the scene when he was in full Skull makeup and how he'd play up to his superiors as he was kicking Captain America's ass.

The movie isn't exactly edge of your seat exciting, but at only 97 minutes doesn't fart around gets to the point quickly. The fights are a little difficult to see with all the lightning fast edits and the Captain isn't quite the incredible super solider he is in the comics - but they aren't static (as I've witnessed in many movies made on the cheap).

This film version of the Captain is not very super; I can't even argue that it was very good. The corny stuff makes me wince (Steve shouts his girlfriend's name as he leaps from airplane and later gives the President a 'thumbs up' -groan-). But it didn't bore me, it held my interest and a few times it even reeled me in with the action at the end. With a budget and a great director to smooth over the rough edges, there was enough of an idea here that this could have been an outstanding feature.

It has been announced that Cap will get his first shot in a major Hollywood production film (We've already seen the shield in Iron Man and the Super Serum in Hulk) and then it's off to the Avengers. Might things be looking up for the star spangled hero? I've never been a C.A. fan but a great movie could change that and if anyone of Marvel's stars deserves a break in this medium, it's the Cap. Good luck Steve, I hope your movie rocks!

Captain America: The First Avenger
Reviewed on October 26th 2011

Steve Rogers is a small, sickly guy who wants nothing more than to fight the Nazi's on the front line. Showing much integrity and determination, he's is given a chance to do just that. Injected with an experimental super soldier formula, Roger's becomes the star spangled Avenger, Captain America.

The first 45 minutes of the film sets up the premise, establishes the character and the obstacles he faces on his way to earning respect through acts of heroism. It's great stuff – honest, funny and relatable. During which I was thinking Cap might turn out to be one of the best of the genre. Regrettably, when the story switches gears into action mode, with Cap attempting to foil the world dominating plans of the evil Red Skull, the movie becomes standard fare. Not that it goes rotten mind you; it's just that I didn't find the film's final reels as intriguing. (It’s still hella cool to see Cap sling that shield!)

If Joe Johnson does one thing well, it's directing period pieces (see October Sky or the Rocketeer). He has a firm handle on taking us into the WWII epoch, while blending in comic book tech that is fantastic, but era appropriate. Johnson and his writers also leave a couple Easter eggs for us comic geeks (At the Stark fair you might notice the name "Phineas Horton", on a display. He was the creator of the original Human Torch).

The performances are top notch across the board. Chris Evans proves to be a solid actor; leaving no trace of the last hero he played (Johnny Storm) in Steve Rogers. The future Captain is an earnest, good guy. Someone I wanted to succeed. Evans shares a strong on screen chemistry with Hayley Atwell (Peggy Carter) and pal Sebastian Shaw (Bucky Barnes). Hugo Weaving is deliciously creepy as the Red Skull, Dominic Cooper is spot on perfect as the suave genius, Howard Stark and Stanley Tucci brings a warmth to Dr. Erksine, creator of the super soldier serum.

Special effects were superb for the most part. Skinny Steve was a marvel, and completely convincing. Which was important. As I witnessed with the Green Lantern costumes, if you mess up the FX, the illusion cracks and distracts from the drama. In addition to that, the gadgets and vehicles and costumes were all sharply designed.

Captain Barbell
Reviewed on March 16th 2009

Captain Barbell is meandering, soapy and pure corn. Based on one of the Philippines most popular characters it tells of a mild mannered janitor who is transformed into a superhero by means of a magic barbell. The protagonist is one part Superman, one part Peter Parker. (Enteng is a bumbling sad sack, pining over a gal who has only has eyes for his heroic alter ego). The Captain's main challenge is a strange group of villains that have also acquired power from the same source.

The film is very odd. It has its tongue firmly in cheek, but there is some dark and sad subject matter that ruins any sense of fun (a woman is attacked and murdered - a homeless man becomes a half rat creature who melts children with his spittle). The killing stroke is that it suffers from attention deficit disorder, it simply can't stay focused and tell a linear tale. Characters and situations pop up and then set aside, while another batch of characters and situations are introduced. The pacing is a shambles. At an hour and 54 minutes, it runs too long for its slight premise and was in desperate need of tight editing and cohesive storytelling.

There are few pluses: While Barbell's costume is cheesy (designed by actor Bong Revilla), the gentleman playing him is steadfast and charismatic. There's a brief dream sequence where we see Barbell, Darna (The Filipino version of Wonder Woman) and Lastikman fighting together. But these small rays of light are overshadowed by melodrama, hammy performances and undisciplined direction.

Note: This is the 2003 feature - there was also a movie made in 1965 and 1986, as well as a TV series that began airing in 2006 (with a much cooler costume)

Catwoman
Originally Reviewed on September 2 2006 - Completely rewritten for this page

I like cats and I've always liked Catwoman and I'd love to have seen a Catwoman movie. But unfortunately they didn't make a Catwoman movie. They instead elected to tell the story of Patience Phillips who comes from a long line of cat ladies who all share some connection to the Egyptian Goddess Bast. Selina Kyle is gone, Gotham is gone, Batman is M.I.A. They've ripped the character from the DC universe and made a horrid mess of things. The end result is a tepid, spastically edited, poorly fleshed out movie.

Star, Halle Berry has that catatude down pat. She's sexy, slinky, playful and bad and despite the ugly headgear, is the only decent thing I can find in this flick. The rest are game but have nothing to sink their teeth into: Sharon Stone is the cosmetic Queen baddie who's selling her sisters out for love of money (and has gained a super hard face in the process). Rounding out the cast is love interest/cop played by Benjamin Bratt and Mad TVs Alex Borstein as Halle's fast talking, wise cracking, annoying as shit please shut up, dear God in heaven won't somebody please make her shut up or simply cut her out of the film - pal

A Frenchman who calls himself Pitof directs the movie. Is that like "Pit-of despair?" Because I felt as depressed as a rhesus monkey after watching this dreck. Pitof and his crew made a bad looking film and they should have heeded the words of a wise man who once said, "Just because you can edit, doesn't mean you should!" - Tom Servo. The constant quick cuts gave me a headache, and while I don't mind CGI as a rule, this time out it's over used and poorly rendered.

I wanted to love this film, but it wouldn't let me. It simply refuses to offer up even a dollop of nail biting action, real romantic tension or the kind of humor one might actually laugh at. A playful peek at Gotham's greatest thief would have been nice, instead there was this weak message about being superficial and girl power and growing old gracefully and being comfortable in your own skin or some such nonsense and I don't know any more, I'm all a messed up inside. Somebody just light the damned Bat-signal please!

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